am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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