i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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