Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
