I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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