Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
