all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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