dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
