I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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