You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
