He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
