I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
