Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
