Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
