Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
