Im at strip club and am horny
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
