We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
