I smell stomach acid.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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