It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
