We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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