I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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