I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
