he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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