awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
