if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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