I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
