I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
