There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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