A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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