Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
