Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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