He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just googled if crying burns calories
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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