i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
