She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
