You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
