i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
