I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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