Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
