Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
