Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
