Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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