He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
