you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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