Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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