I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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