i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
