she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
