U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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