Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
