what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Send help, water and tortillas.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I would fuck him just for his dog
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
