I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
