Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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