I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How's work?
Spinning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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