this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
